Satire is people as they are;
romanticism, people as they would like to be;
realism, people as they seem with their insides left out.
In Turn, Magic Wheel
On a shelf in an apartment: a cactus, a sunflower and a pea plant. A woman pours some water on the cactus and leaves the house.
A cactus: I really don’t know what’s wrong with people. I really don’t get it.
A sunflower: What’s going on again now.
A cactus: She gave me water again. Again!Why she does it?!
A sunflower: When? I haven’t even seen her coming today!
A cactus: Of course you don’t! Every time there is that burning sunshine outside the window you are all just into it. You weirdo!No surprise that you haven’t see her.
A sunflower: Oh stop whining. And be grateful that someone is taking care of you. No offense but you are not the most attractive plant in the planet with those thorns.
A cactus: Excuse me? What?What am I hearing now? That’s absolutely non sense. There is no plant more desired by human beings than us, Cactaceae. Every apartment with a decedent standard as a cactus plant on a shelf!
A sunflower (resting on a warm window): Oh is it?
A cactus: Well, yes!You sunflowers, you are seeds for porridge my darling. Nobody really cares about you moving around the sunshine, like weirdos. If they wanted something that could move they would have had a dog or a cat. So stop even making an effort about it!
A sunflower: I kind of sense a sort of envy here. You cannot move and nobody will come even next to you to smell your sent.
A cactus: Well, she comes everyday giving me water so, no you are wrong!I would like to be just by my own, but they always come next to me. Do you get it? Thorns slash Stay away from me? I don’t want to look nice and beautiful for them. I just want to get fat and fat and get more thorns!
A pea plant: Stop shouting please. My beans are trying to sleep here. And if you could control your swearing that would have been much more than appreciate it.
A cactus: Oh there we go, here she is. Sorry but this is a public space. I get water in the face when I don’t want that, he can swear and act like a weirdo and you unfortunately you have to take it.
A pea plant: I am not going to accept that. These beans will be dinner very soon for our owner. They need a good sleep. I want them to be juicy and tasty.
A sunflower: Well, we don’t why this should make a difference. Because we are not going to stay in silence in this boring place.
A pea plant: Sure! Talking is all you can do, you lazy roots, just doing nothing and photosynthesis, while I am food for them and this is a full time job.
A sunflower: I am in the most delicious porridge on earth and also in oil, excuses me. And if sometimes I enjoy some photosynthesis is not your business at all!
A cactus: Well, There is no plant more desired by human beings than us, Cactaceae. Every apartment…
A sunflower interrupting: Oh, again with this boring chant.
A pea plant: I always thought that only moss could be the most boring plant ever, always showing off about directions, the North and the South, and the North and the South, before I had to listen to this green hedgehog!
A sunflower: Ah!Nice one!
The plant of peas suddenly shakes. Little peas wake up and start crying.
A little pea referring to the cactus: mum, am I going to get bigger like him when I get older? I want to get bigger like him!
Another little pea: I want those thorns, I want those thorns mum!
The cactus (getting bigger and emotionally satisfied) : See? All they can notice is me!Your little peas are very smart. I never thought peas had a brain.
A woman enters in the room, plucks all the peas and put them in a dish and start cooking. Than she puts the sunflower in a vase at the table.
Morality: Once you have proved that you are right and everybody should finally agree with you, well it is time for lunch.
Comedy means to make it easy something very complicated. It means to keep your pain for yourself and give to the audience only sad eyebrows. You have to give the juice to people, while you keep the seeds for yourself. Spit or eat them it doesn’t matter, but you don’t share this moment with the audience. Give to the audience the best moment of yourself, while you are drinking that orange juice. Possibly use a straw. A beautiful one. Taste and style are essential in comedy. This is what comedy is and what distinguish us from drunk people, babies and vegans.
Dreamers don’t want their dreams to become true.
They want their reality to became their dreams.
I find stories and practical examples very boring. I like theory. Abstract thoughts turn me on. I am mainly an academic person without an academic career without any publication. I know you might think I am an unsuccessful academic person, but I think you are not considering the coherence that there is in my previous sentences, or life for practical people. I have a degree in philosophy. Basically I don’t want to apply my knowledge but just show off.
I am not happy about that. And that’s why I decided one day to learn to play the ukulele. So I went to buy a ukulele, a ukulele book. I read the ukulele book which was very interesting but it was more about the ukulele instrument and not about HOW to play it. Because I didn’t have a ukulele, I found it stupid to read those things like exercises and songs. So I decided to study only the chapters that concerned the method of playing ukulele until I discovered that there were other six books after the first one. I read all of them and now I know everything about ukulele I should go and buy a ukulele. I have never played it. I guess I have to make some research about which ukulele I should buy first.
Some art exists to ask questions, and to play with expectations. Some people want art to take them to a place they would never have imagined going to in the company of people they would never have imagined meeting. Bob Dyland, Samuel Becket and Reeves and Mortimer all do this. Other people want art to reconfirm the things they already know, and send them away feeling better about themselves. This is the job of Coldplay, Music Theatre and those kind of Comedy Store/Jongleurs stand up comedians wo invite the audience to think “Yes, that’s exactly what happens whenever I try to open a sachet of tomato sauce too, brilliant!
p 317-318, Steward Lee (2010), How I escaped my certain fate. The life and the deaths of a stand up comedian
E’ una canzone che parla di coraggio e di prendersi dei rischi, perchè non c’è nulla da perdere: “con un salto vai più in là, con le ali torna qua. Ma che grande novità!”.
Perché fare come il papero che fa solo qua qua, quando si può piegare le ginocchia, scodinzolare e fare tutto il ballo? Può capitare un bacio come un fallimento, ma che male c’è?! La felicità si può prendere sotto braccio, solo se si è coraggiosi. All’arembaggio, col QUA QUA QUA.
GLI INVIDIOSI: quelli che fanno delle tue sfighe le loro vittorie;
I ROSICONI quelli che vedono la sfiga nelle tue vittorie;
GLI SFIGATI quelli che credono di farne parte,
GLI AMICI quelli che conoscono tutte le sfighe dietro le tue vittorie.
Eravamo due fidanzati per gli sconosciuti;
due buoni amici per gli innamorati.
Due volti in un unico riflesso:
come te, io te stesso.
GLI AIUTI RECIPROCHI
Una donna si avvicina alla casa del supermercato con un pacchetto di farina.
“Posso passarle davanti?”Chiede ad una donna con un carrello pieno carico di spesa.
“Sì certo passi pure. Senta ma lei non è che mi darebbe una mano con le borse fino alla macchina?”
Mi sento desiderata come un ago nel pagliaio per un sarto in ritardo con la consegna.
animato dai vortici del silenzio e dall’agonia dei vuoti che essi portano con se,
non darti pena se le tue labbra faticano con il suono scusa, ho sbagliato
non tormentarti se le tue dita non sanno comporre le lettere del non avrei dovuto.
Lascia che siano le tue spalle a custodire la tua ombra e il suo timore,
senza abbagli e senza rimpianti:
ciò che hai calpestato era già a terra
e ciò che hai avuto era già per te.